I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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