glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
