Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
