Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
