Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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