i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
