Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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