and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize