I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
