I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize