You're so nebulous sometimes
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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