I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The air taste purple.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
