I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
