i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
