the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
