we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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