Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
