if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
