I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
