These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
All I want is dick and wine.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
