I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
