ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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