I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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