Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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