Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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