What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
