and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
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the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
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Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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