fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
