1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
