I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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