So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
