I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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