I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
