We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
