To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
