is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
