Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
