I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Randomize
