Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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