we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
