Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
