I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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