i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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