it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
