and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
