Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize