there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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