He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
