He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
