I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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