I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
