Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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