I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
