OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
