Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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