I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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