Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
