its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
