It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
