Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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