the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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