Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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