I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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